Men. It’s Time.
I sat with my daughter. What I thought would be a simple role-playing of her expressing her boundaries by learning to say, STOP, turned into rage as my little 9yo girl spit fire about her father being a child who needed for his children to take care of him and how he couldn’t take responsibility for his emotions. I sat in amazement how this little one had the clarity that I’ve rarely seen in a grown woman. And with fear and sadness with tears in both our eyes, I needed to explain to her that this is what men are like in our society. He is not an exception among men. We both wept in deep sadness.
And now that I have your attention, I have words for you, men. (This was written after a Possibility Management discovery space. The story with my daughter happened 3 hours prior.)
Simply put, this is your kick in the ass to
STOP being boys &
playing gremlin.
You can't move out of it until
you see what you are,
where you are.
Do you know where you are?
Do you fucking know?
I'm not even asking if you
know what you've done... that’s
much too advanced for you.
STOP. Look at your feet.
What is there? Stop Look at
your hands. What do you see?
Can you see it? Feel your
feet. Feel your hands. This is
all you have. This is where you
are. When have you spent the
time looking at your feet and hands and
simply wept?
When you find yourself here, you are ready
for the next step.
That is how fucking
serious we are.
About our need for you to be
adult men.
A child begins here in
his development - noticing
the only two play things given
to him after birth. (His
penis quickly wrapped up
separated from himself.)
There are no stories of superiority
or callousness or victim or
self-righteousness. And this
is where you start. The
pain of your choice brings
you here.
Cry for the baby boy
that you are, and
cry for the gremlin that
exists against women in
revenge because your penis was
taken away from you.
And feel the pain... Go. More.
Has it pained you that
you've put your pain on our children,
our creation, on us?
Has it pained you that you're
a boy? How fucking sad!
Has the destruction of broken
connections & relationships because
of your gremlin pained you?
Those of us that carry wombs to
bring humans to life know the
wretched initiation of our flesh
tearing. The anguish of life giving.
If we could initiate our boys into
men, I promise you, I guarantee it
that we would tear at our own flesh and
rip ourselves up to guide their initiation.
We would go to any length to ensure
that they come into the
wholeness of themselves.
Our initiation into parenthood takes
9 months with, at the end, something
within us that must die and forever be gone
to bring this creature to life.
The tragedy for us mothers is that
we can't be the ones to do this
process with them. But know this,
if we could, we would go to
hell and destroy ourselves before
turning over a boy to society without
the tools for him to be a man.
And for you, we would go to hell
for you, too... and yet, we know
we can't. We’re not rescuing you. We won’t listen to you anymore.
I'm livid, l'm angry
that you can’t see this with me.
Show me your wounds.
Show me the shit that
is all over you.
Show me your broken bones,
your scars. the amputeed
body limb that is now gone so that
you could stop being a
child & stop destroying
everything.
You are whole without this
shit!
The child & gremlin have
split, shattered all of
who you are- disempowered
to serve a small insignificant
purpose. You've believed the
lies that this is all you
could be. For what?
Feel the pain of this choice
& the decision of every
man next to you & every
man before you. EVERY
SINGLE ONE.
You've all been duped to
play small & insignificant.
Feel the pain-
Experience the sadness
Experience the fear
Experience the anger
Experience the joy that,
even right now, is afforded
to you in reading
this, knowing that my
words are true & a gift
to you. Your pain
is a gift to you. Use
your fear, use your sadness, use your anger, use your
joy to move onto the next step.
That is all that
is being asked of you.
It’s simple. And it’s demanding your life.
It’s a full step, not a half
or a lean. One FULL
STEP. Into the nothingness. Into the NOT knowing
where your child & gremlin
love living which is controlling
others & controlling the space.
Being nothing is the
gift you can give us.
What lives there? There’s
no planning ahead of time:
your thoughts, words, actions.
You can't possibly know because
your child isn't giving you
the script for it. And your
Gremlin can’t know because
its purposes are so predictable.
They thrive on what has
worked in the past. No...
Your coming into wholeness
is into nothingness.
What does your adult
initiating man say from
nothingness? ls there a
word? ls it in the cloth
of language? Can words
convene your nothingness?
Is there another medium
or path to initiate you? Your
nothingness will take you there.
And we -all of creation-
women, children, the
whole animal kingdom, all
of plant life big as the
hundred year old trees to
the seed sprouting in the earth
are watching & listening. We
are waiting for you. We
look forward to your alive
expression of adult man.
And we all promise you that once
you've realize life in the adult man, that the
child & unconscious gremlin will
be unfathomable. You will
rip your clothing off &
lament with groans so loud
that the center core of the
earth will shake that you
spent a moment of your
life living from these
two spaces. It will be like
a dream that that life
ever existed for you.
Soon it will be as if it only
did in a literal, child of age.
You will enter as
the adult you were
created to become.
This is a possibility
for you.
Again,
do you know the pain
of being a child?
of being ruled by your
Gremlin?